Jäger des Schicksals
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Legend of the green Dragon
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Die Jäger des Schicksals
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lized that so much of my problem had come
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28.05.2019 03:53
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ed me to remember the last time I'd felt disappointed. I couldn't remember. I had to think all the way back to the seventh grade when my friend Jason had been the only one to ask me to dance. After that I wracked my brain. I was disappointed that time my boyfriend had chosen an "important" soccer game over me Cheap Nike Air Max 98 UK Wholesale , ice cream and my best lace under things ON Valentine's day. That was a no-brainer. I ate the ice cream by myself. I was disappointed in fact, a thousand times over in my adult life. Always culminating in me putting on my bravest brave face, telling myself it was silly to feel that way (the man I loved was not a complete douche bag. Of course not. It had really been an important game. It must be a cultural difference), polishing off that last bit of ice cream because there really wasn't that much left. And still disappointed. No less in fact. But now ashamed of myself for having eaten the ice cream. Angry with myself for being unreasonably, stubbornly disappointed. But I have forgotten how to cry and that has made me awfully hungry. And when I was doing all this work remembering the stupid man (whose name by the way was Martin and no I don't mind using his real name and really I'd give you his address and phone number Cheap Nike Air Max 98 Kids UK , too if only I had it) who had treated me poorly and how I had aimed my grief at myself, I realized that so much of my problem had come from the mistaken notion that whenever something bad happened it must be that something was wrong with ME. Martin (watch this spot, if I ever find it I'll at least paste his e-mail here) was innocent. If he treated me like trash it must be because I'd behaved like trash. Or something. And all at once, remembering how I stood there, 19 with my ice cream and my black lace and was told like a naughty child that Valentine's day would have to wait Cheap Nike Air Max 98 Youth UK , I suddenly realized, I hadn't been hungry in years. I had just been disappointed, angry, tired, bored Cheap Nike Air Max 98 Mens UK , guilty. Ashamed. Depressed. Disappointed. Helpless. Anxious. I didn't know how those things felt anymore. And I didn't know what it meant to be hungry and now I was going to have to find out. I spent the ensuing months inspecting every morsel before it went in my mouth. Was I hungry? Was it going to satisfy my hunger? If not, what was causing me to put it in my mouth? I spent days figuring out what I was feeling that had driven me to go through a whole packet of dried figs in 2 days. Three, six mile runs were dedicated to whether I had been really and truly hungry when I'd had that block of brie or if I was just feeling ashamed of how I had fibbed to my boss about an important e-mail. I did that for months. I still do that. It took me a week to figure out my sudden pumpkin latte wave had been brought on by a guy I was dating who felt the need to tear me down to make himself feel less threatened (his name was Roberto. I do have his address but this is a fairly small town so you won't need it). The endless stream of candied walnuts? Well, sis was up for a visit and making sure she and I both survived the week with no more sibling induced permanent scars that we'd gone in with had been no easy task. I'd come to all these brilliant conclusions while jogging. And I am happy to say that at least 95% of the time I'm able to figure out whether I'm really hungry for that morsel, and if not why I would ever dream of putting it in my mouth in plenty of time to put it down and back away. The other 5 per cent? Well Cheap Nike Air Max 98 Womens UK , a little emotional eating is just... Normal. After all, an occasional rain does not cause a flood. |
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